“Is This a Sign?”…Part I.

After attending many events, gatherings and meeting wonderful individuals, I was moving forward.  Flowing in a river not knowing where it was taking me and I am still in the river! HAHAH!

Throughout my life I have always enjoyed everything about the Native American ways.  Even as a child, I was always kind of connected and drawn to it.  Sitting on floor pillows, the color palettes, the rugs, the bead work, the throws, feathers…just about everything.  It was like a mix of Native American and bohemian for me.  Now, I just love everything and anything cultural.  HAHAH!  Many would find this a bit odd, because here is this hispanic child, then a teen and so on, from Brooklyn, NY. raised in a gang, drug infested surrounding. To then like, the Native American ways …Hummm.

In the neighborhood I grew up, just walking to school was an adventure. To always be on alert and on guard, not to get mugged, nor beaten up or pushed upon, having your hair burned, or your face smashed against the wall.  Flying stones and bricks.  Having a large dog chase you down the street and rip the leg pants off, running up the stairs in two’s because of fear, someone would be following you and most of times you were. The list goes on and on. Let say all of this, in one day!   To survive all of these elements, was critical.  I knew that once I was inside the apartment (home), I was safe.  I dreaded leaving everyday and face these issues but had no choice.  Being drawn to the native ways and deepness was not taking me anywhere…so I kept it within myself.  My only concern was to survive and make sure I kept alive everyday.  Due to this, I hated school. Because even in school it was just as bad.

While in elementary school, there was a wonderful Dean by the named of Ms. Cannon, which I will never forget.  Most of all the teachers, assistants even the principle did not want to be there.  I did not blame them.  They would just show up, teach and leave. No relationship, no mentoring, no after school programs, no tutoring, etc.  But Ms. Cannon was different.  She cared and had a passion within her heart. I was able to feel that when I was with her.  The last couple of years, she took me under her wings.  Ms. Cannon would say to me, “the road is tough but always move forward”.    Till this day I remember those words and will never forget them and her caring ways. She was my angel while I attended this school for six long years and it did not get any better- moving forward to Junior High School.  This is only a pinch of my memoirs, I will write more as we move along…

As I was getting older and moving forward until now, I kept the native ways in my heart and in my spirituality plus I love the simplicity of it.  So when I was introduced to this drumming world, it was not difficult.  I connected and embraced it totally.  As if what I so much desired when I was a child is now in the present.  It’s something how life is…I always say “There is always hope!”

The Native American flute music was not common when I was younger.  According to history, it was widely introduced to the outside world in around 1978.  So after those years, I started to hear and enjoy this wonderful sound, its voice.

This past year, I started to goggle the Native American flute, to see the cost and options. I was uncertain about the wood types, the key notes…everything was just kind of felt complicated so I put it aside.  Plus I did not know how to read music.  I never was able to learn, it was just to rigid for me.  I am more audio and visual. I learn from listening, hearing, feeling and seeing the music, instrument.

So at one of the SPIRITDRUM gathering my friend Dan S., brought his flute with him and played.  As he was playing I thought to myself “how can he play without reading music, did he memorized it?” Hummm!  I further researched the Native American Flute a bit more and found out that it is originally played from the heart. “From the heart?”  But still could not understand it! So I let it be.

Now it was August, 2011 and the Bolton Fair was in full gear.  So on Saturday afternoon I attended and started to visit some of the vendors.  As per walking, I noticed a display with these beautiful Native American Silver jewelry. Yes! they saw me coming! HAHAH! So I stopped over, because I was also looking for a native bear pendant.  My mom wanted to buy me a birthday gift but I told her to wait until we find the perfect pendant and the right price.  So in looking around, the vendor, Joe and I started to talk and he expressed where his shop, The Silver Buffalo Gallery was located. So I told him that I would visit the gallery that coming week to see more options and hopefully find the bear pendant. Now while we were talking, I could hear beautiful Native American flute music playing in the back ground.  We talked about, drumming circles and then I asked, who was the artist playing the flute and he said “himself” Which was very impressive.  Then he looked at me for a moment and handed me one of his CDs he was selling, as a gift.  I was in total awe.  Did not know what to say nor express.  For by nature, I am a giver. So when I receive, I am very sensitive to the gesture and the essence of it. Later on I asked myself “Is this a sign?”

Then a couple of days later the gathering of SPIRITDRUM was meeting again and I attended.  Before we started, everyone was talking, exchanging thoughts and laughing.  Then Dan S. looked at me and asked me “Did you just purchase a Native American Flute?”  I just looked at him in amazement.  He had no idea what I was up too, actually no one did.  I said to him “not yet, but I am looking into it” After this brief conversation I again asked myself “is this a sign?” (to be continued…)

~~My childhood life and teen years were not easy.  Do I regret it? I do not, I had no choice, but it has made me who I am.  I truly believe that I was able to survive all of these dangerous situations because of my mom, Mama Pacha’s prayers and the protection of our Creator.  By the way, my mom’s real name is Carmen.   It is a miracle that I am alive. Everyday, I learn, I see, I hear. There is never a question “why?” One moves forward and see what changes can be embraced. Flow through life and be sensitive  to the surrounding and how people and places are used for ones own direction.  Just to think that as a child this was within my inner essence and now, now after all these years…it is back, it has returned…

We see with our eyes. We know with our hearts. Outside…Inside. ~~Cantus Fraggle